I see my life as a Puzzle that is gradually being pieced together. Many pieces have been lost in the suction vacuum of soul destroying society.
Recently a piece was retrieved from the belly of a vacuum of memories.
I was a weaving mentor during a camp called Wild Village where families all gathered to camp in the bush and live as a village. My phone had died and there was no reception anyway so I was destined to go distraction free.
I love camping and enjoy the bush; I was with heaps of parents and children and I was in my happy weaving groove.
The nights were a whole different scenario though. Endless Supreme Sleeplessness. I am familiar with all my quirky glitches that happen when I am out of my comfort zone and yet one particular night was beyond any terror and distress I had known. I had never been through a night of so much nervous system terror. I lay awake all night, frozen with every muscle tensed. The back of my neck was throbbing. I had trouble walking and talking and all I could do was sob occasionally. I couldn't seem to do anything to bring myself out of this state. I knew I had to let go and go through it. A higher awareness knew that this all added up to a trauma response, yet I didn't know what to.
I was pretty fragile and sore when I got up the next day. My broken body hurt all over and I was baffled about what this was.
The next few nights were a mix of exhausted sleep and dropping into the same frightening terrors.
Back home I was able to share this with my beloved who is a trauma specialist, and we made some time to have a session. He was able to skilfully guide me to a place where I began to understand what this memory was. It was my birth memory and once I knew this of course then I understood why I had no reference in my known memories for this event.
I first had to choose a safe refuge and a power animal/place. Interestingly I chose for both bodies of water. The beautiful dam at the back of our property for a safe place and a tea tree lake for a power place.
My body had experienced the embodiment of this terror enough in the last few days and more of this wasn't needed. By touching upon it with the finest touch of a feather I was then able go to my power place and to be with the new born who had been stuck in the birth canal for days and then delivered with forceps and then bundled off to a crib behind glass with no mother's or father's touch.
On the vernal shores of the Brown Lake, I as the womb mother of all creation, re-birthed my baby into the warm medicinal amber waters, wrapped my baby in paperbark and held her close, keeping the placenta attached until the blood had drained.
Other amber-skinned tribal women lined the shores of the lake crooning and cuddling, singing this new one into existence. Dancing and songs gently filled the lakeside amphitheatre. Each day mother and baby swam in the medicinal waters, being cleansed by the medicinal plants streaming into the golden waters. The mother nourished by the other mothers and the land's bountiful bush foods.
Later the whole tribe of men, women and children all joined together to celebrate the birth of this beautiful baby.
I then saw all the white mothers and all the white babies that have been separated arrive into the sacred women's zone to be blessed and reunited by the Lake.
Adrian and I both cried bucketloads of tears and we marvelled at the powers of healing. The next morning I woke and lay quietly snuggled up for a moment and I quietly reflected that I had slept peacefully all night and my body was very soft and at ease.
It was my false impression that this trauma modality worked through Imagination. Having now surrendered to this healing, I was knowing I had merged with a reality based beyond the time and space of my life story.
There was such power in being amongst a Village for that week that I was able to rewrite and rewire very fragmented pieces of my earliest memory. Since then my body feels clear of many layers of anxieties that had held invisible pieces of my life for ransom.
If you have enjoyed reading this Blog here are a few actions you can take:
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As a small business owner my actions can seem small and invisible to me.
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* Read about the CRM: Comprehensive Resourcing Model www.adrianhekel.com/meditation-and-trauma
* Read about Wild Village Camps: www.naturephilosophy.com/wild-village-family-camps